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The Pooper-Scooper
That's right if I were a rock star I would buy a yacht and call it The Love Mussel, get it, it's a pun mussel as in any of a number of bivalve mollusks with a brown or purplish-black shell, love mussle as in innuendo for penis.

....And I'm back, for my weekly recap of Australian Idol. Again I'm doing my recap from the website because I was out having a life. This week's theme was Rock week and don't get me started on what a shitty theme this is and how no one really knows what rock means and that it is far to broad of a genre or we would be here for a VERY long time.

The mentors this week were Tim Farriss and Kirk Pengilly of the legendary Aussie rock band INXS. I would of like to have see Tim Farriss strutting around like he is the king while Kirk Pengilly tries to get a word in, way Tim is the spokesman for the band I don't Know seeing as his brother Andrew writes all the songs, maybe because Andrew's fat. If anyone should be a rock mentor it would be John Farriss he is far better looking than Tim and reportedly had a very rock and roll experience when filming the Never Tear Us Apart video which he only appears once because he got pissed the night before and passed out in the hotel elevator with the doors repeatedly opening and closing on his head, now that is the dude I want mentoring me about rock. It's understandable that Gary Beers wasn't there because if Rock Star INXS taught as anything it is that Gary Beers is not aloud to talk but Kirk Pengilly? the guy plays the saxophone, what the hell is rock about that, but that's enough about the power structure of INXS and on the to the performances.

The man with the Freight Train Heart Luke doing Are You Gonna Go My Way a sucky song from nearly 20 years old by the incredibly irrelevant Lenny Krapitz I mean Kravitz. Luke is really in his element here. His voice isn't entirely grating and for the first time he looked really comfortable and had fun with the camera.

The dark fog of insincerity rolls on stage as Thanh sits at a grand piano and belts out a shockingly bad version of Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park. He is so talented he is able to make the massively angsty Linkin Park sound like they fart sunshine and vomit rainbows and to top it all off he ends his painful performance with a kicked puppy look right down the camera in an attempt to look moody and makes me want to throw up. Four words for you Thanh, Cheer up EMO kid.

The fog of insincerity clears and the clouds of weird accents settle over head as Sophie god damn it girl enough with the ballads. Sophie is singing Ana's Song the very personal song from the first triumphant return of Sliverchair. Sophie looks scared and the performance is average at best.

The clouds are not clearing as Filthy Teale takes the stage and is doing ohhh The Goo Goo Dolls remember them they were on the first Beverly Hills 90210 he's doing the song Slide. He is just so bland I can hardly stand it. How he has made it this far his likability factor is zero he's not cute and he has no talent.

The clouds have cleared Roshani is up and god help her if she wrecks the Foo Fighters, the first band I ever loved she's doing The Pretender, not my favorite Fooies song (I prefer vintage) I was at first worried she's got too much soul to to pull it off not enough dirt. She gets to the chorus and she really kicks it into high gear and she kicks arse.

Stupid Hat is again hatless and excuse my fucking French but shit enough with fucking U2, it's the second U2 song he has done. NO MORE U2!!! He's performance despite it being U2 was actually pretty good, he did an awesome harmonica solo which ups the rating because harmonicas are awesome. He also shimmed and I didn't know that I enjoyed seeing a man shimmy, well we learn something new everyday.

Chrislyn is back. Doing Don't Speak by No Doubt uhh I hate this song but Chrislyn does a very fine job and is rocking some sweet Merry-Go-Round Horse style hair.

Mark is last this week and I was very excited to see that he is singing the new song from one of my favorite bands Kings Of Leon. The song is called Sex On Fire which my just be about skanky club sex resulting in a STD which I sing as "Pee is on fire". He's performance is missing the grunt that comes with Kings Of Leon and leaves me feeling a little cold. On a superficial note I have never noticed that he has an arse which really worries me, there is just something wrong when a man has booty.

This weeks Idol was weak but WWWAAAAAYYYYY better than ABBA week D.
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The Pooper-Scooper
06 October 2008 @ 10:31 pm
Oh how I miss my boys in particular one of the many loves of my life Ed Kavalee. I would give my left arm for this to be real.

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The Pooper-Scooper
06 October 2008 @ 08:44 pm
I've had to do this weeks review of the website because I was busy watching the Grand Final, GO MANLY!

It's ABBA week. Remember them those two attractive Swedish women who were for reasons unknown married to two ugly guys, who whenever I seen then I mentally dress them up as gnomes. The ones with those great songs like Dancing Queen and Waterloo, that movie Mama Mia is based on there songs, well that was this weeks theme and oh dear.

First off watching Idol this way is heaps better than watching it on TV. No ads, no inane "banter", no Ricki-Lee and that awesome ad for Cadbury chocolate, you know the one with the gorilla playing the drums to In The Air Tonight.

First is big mama Chrislyn. First off she is wearing a very unfaltering outfit, which is unfortunate since she looked uncomfortable for the first time. Her big mama voice is just to big for ABBA, it is the first time I think she was completely out of her depth. Really disapointing.

Sophie is up and doing *sigh* a slowed down version of Gimme Gimme Gimme. She did a slowed down version last week and it's already boring. With her arrangement shes gotten rid of the really catchy bit (that is the technical term) That Madonna sampled on Hung Up that made Gimme Gimme Gimme such a good song plus she's singing with a weird accent.

Thanh is doing The Winner Takes It All. He is the only singer I have ever seen sing with less sincerity than any Lionel Richie song and Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up, Which has been described as the least sincere song ever. In that way Thanh is very talented.

Roshani is doing Money Money Money. The singing was alright but she looked super hot in a real boned corset and she had fun with a bit of theatrics which made the performance much more enjoyable.

Stupid Hat has lost the hat but is hairline is to low on his face which still worries me. I have finally realised way I hate him so much. He is the guy at the party who goes out the back with a candle and an acoustic guitar and sings moody Radiohead covers or asks if anyone knows Jeff Buckley and all the chicks swam him thinking he's really deep. He did Fernando which sounds just like what I described. Ewww!

Mark, who has since lost his title of being "my man Mark" after this baffling "rock" version of Waterloo which sounds like Eurovision all over again.

Oh Madam how could you. She has ruined Dancing Queen one of my all time favorites with some wired disco and the sucky kind of R&B hybrid. It was just really confusing.

Filthy Teale is doing Thank You For The Music which was an eww song in the first place. He sung it with an acoustic guitar which leads me to think he is just "Stupid Hat Lite"

NO WAY Luke is not completely making me want to stab my eardrums with what only I can describe as a surprising version of Knowing Me Knowing You.

This is possibly the worst week in Idol history this gets a grade of "Won't You Come And Sing With Me" which according the ABC song is lower than Z. But being serious this really sucked F-.
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The Pooper-Scooper
04 October 2008 @ 08:48 pm
Happy Shaterday. The day we celibate the man that is made of Awesome.

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The Pooper-Scooper
28 September 2008 @ 07:42 pm
Aussie week possibly my least favorite theme in the exhaustive Idol calender. The show opens with the exciting news that there is a guest judge who is an Australian music Idol, I'm thinking it's going to be someone good like Ian Moss...oh it's Darin Hayes, that horrible little guy from that crappy band Savage Garden and an even crappier solo career.

Up first is Thanh and he is doing the impossibly accompanying John Farnham Your The Voice. I hate to keep piling the shit on this guy but I just think he sucks he is so false, I really think he should go.

Mystifying Rikki-Lee wearing a dress that makes her look frumpy.

Lady divine, Chrislyn is up and I shudder to hear that she is doing Chains that song form my childhood by that loud-mouth thinks shes sooo amazing and now thinks that shes French chick Tina Arena. I was really worried I mean this song seriously sucks, But not with big mama in the drivers seat another home run.

Awww little Tom's up and he is doing Light Surrounding You by Evermore Which I would like to point out is a New Zealand band and uhh just get rid of him. I don't want to be a bitch and pay out on the little boy but it is absolute bull shit that he is still around riding on the fact that he is cute.

Stupid name who will be now be known as Filthy Teale is doing Black Fingernails, Red Wine by Eskimo Joe a song I completely hated when it came out FT did the most enjoyable performance I have seen him do.

Roshani is up and singing the notoriously loud-mouth singer Renee Gayer's Heading In The Right Direction. Roshani does a very nice job with a striped back Piano and voice intimate "I have had my heart broken" performance. Plus she looks super cute.

Ewwww Dane Cook is on Rove.

Stupid Hat is doing one of the greatest Australian songs ever written Friday On My Mind by the Easybeats. I like that he kept the arrangement pretty faithful to the original and he gained major points for picking the song in the first place my main issue was he's vocal it was far to pitchy for the song and it totally let him down.

Ugh Luke is doing Barnesy song, Who didn't see that one coming from a sheep station away? Oh no he's doing Flame Trees one of my favorite Australian songs ever. He also keeps saying that Barnesy can hit the notes even though IAN SANG FLAME TREES DUMB ARSE!!!! Anyway like every week he butchers it but he just didn't kill it he took one of my favorite Aussie songs and drove it out to the outback and murdered it. I HATE LUKE!


The perpetually sucky Sophie is on now and doing a sad ballad version of the dance song Don't Hold Back by the Potbelleez. The song translates to a ballad really well and it is the best performance she's done so far but she still has trouble hitting the high notes. Dicko just made an awesome Doctor Who reference which immediately up's the grade for this weeks episode.


WHAT THE FUCK? Shannon Noll Best Of album? What is it a blank disc that you can burn some decent music onto?

Mark has gone done in my opinion with another John Farnham song Age Of Reason. I can look past the suckyness of this shitty song to see that this dude can really sing. Mark remains to be my man.


Last up is Madam with those evil twins The Veronicas Hook Me Up is the song. She sings the verses well but the chorus just sounds crowded and pitchy. She's still looking nice though.


The show was a bit weaker than last weeks but far better than week one. A C-.
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Current Location: Home, sweet, home
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Current Music: Somebody To Love - Queen
 
 
 
The Pooper-Scooper
21 September 2008 @ 09:43 pm
The Emmy's are tomorrow night and hear are my predictions. Well more like who I would like to see win:

Outstanding drama series

Boston Legal (ABC)
Damages (FX)
Dexter (Showtime)
House (Fox)
Lost (ABC)
Mad Men (AMC)

It's hard to pick between "Dexter" and "Mad Men". I'm a big fan of both I have to say "Mad Men" because the second season of "Dexter" was a bit weak and "Mad Men" was brillant and so authentic.

Outstanding comedy series

Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
Entourage (HBO)
The Office (NBC)
30 Rock (NBC)
Two and a Half Men (CBS) (HBO)
Entourage (HBO)
The Office (NBC)
30 Rock (NBC)
Two and a Half Men (CBS)

Again it's a toss up between "30 Rock" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" although I'm also a fan of "Entourage". "30 Rock" will probably win I would like to see "Curb Your Enthusiasm" win. I love that socially retarded man. It also has the best theme music.

Lead actor in a comedy series

Tony Shalhoub, Monk (USA)
Steve Carell, The Office (NBC)
Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies (ABC)
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock (NBC)
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men (CBS)

Alec Baldwin. He's a dick but a funny dick.

Lead actor in a drama series

James Spader, Boston Legal (ABC)
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad (AMC)
Michael C. Hall, Dexter (Showtime)
Hugh Laurie, House (Fox)
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment (HBO)
Jon Hamm, Mad Men (AMC)

Jon Hamm. The Kodak Carousel scene. After watching it I ran out to my sister and gushed about who beautiful I thought it was, I even put it into "Deadwood" category of good.

Lead actress in a comedy series

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS)
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who? (ABC)
Tina Fey, 30 Rock (NBC)
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty (ABC)
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds (Showtime)

Even thought it's not acting for her, I love a show about a housewife dealing pot.

Lead actress in a drama series

Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer (TNT)
Glenn Close, Damages (FX)
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU (ABC)
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace (TNT)

Mariska Hargitay. SVU is the only one of these shows I watch.

Supporting actor in a comedy series

Jeremy Piven, Entourage (HBO)
Kevin Dillon, Entourage (HBO)
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Rainn Wilson, The Office (NBC)
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men (CBS)

Kevin Dillon, I love Johnny Drama.

Supporting actor in a drama series

William Shatner, Boston Legal (ABC)
Ted Danson, Damages (FX)
Zeljko Ivanek, Damages (FX)
Michael Emerson, Lost (ABC)
John Slattery, Mad Men (AMC)

John Slattery. He took sleaze bag to the extreme.

Supporting actress in a comedy series

Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies (ABC)
Jean Smart, Samantha Who? (ABC)
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live (NBC)
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty (ABC)

Amy Poehler, she's wicked funny and will give a really good speech.

Supporting actress in a drama series

Candice Bergen, Boston Legal (ABC)
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment (HBO)

Dianne Wiest, I haven't even seen "In Treatment" yet, but I hate "Grey's Anatomy" and "Brothers and Sisters" so much.
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The Pooper-Scooper
21 September 2008 @ 07:37 pm
The show opens with some inane chit-chat from our two host blah, blah I lose interest until they bring out a special guest mentor. Now in the past "Idol" "special guests" have been Axel Whitehead so I paid no attention then holy crap IT"S CINDY LAUPER, looking like she fell in the make-up pot and is having her face held back by a bulldog-clip. Seeing Cindy in all squinty glory immediately ups this weeks grade.

First up is "Good bloke" shearer Mark - UUUHhh as soon as I hear the opening notes of "Jack and Dianne" I cringe and Mark does not disappoint with ear bleeding rendition.

Some stuff with the mystifying addition of Rikki-Lee Coulter to the crew.

Brooke is next with a promising throaty version of "Betty Davis Eyes" a song I have a secret affection for, unfortunately she was to cute and instead sang breathy. Also she wore a very distracting pair of white shoes (which are always a no) with black stockings.

Madam who unfortunately had a cold which did her no favors and a crappy song choice of "Upside Down" from Diana Ross' sucky 80's period left little to no impact, she looked nice though.

My man Mark does the mighty "I Want to Know What Love Is". I loved this he made it a bit more modern but he kept the synth that made it sound like glitter.


Cute little Tom is next and oh Christ he's doing "Uptown Girl" the less said about this the better. Damn his cuteness. He looked uncomfortable do him a favor and send him home.

My girl Chrislyn is up and oohhh she's doing "True Colours" I love this song. Oh shit she's hit it out of the park again, and she got emotional which in previous seasons this has lead to winning, well deserved if she does.

It's stupid name A.K.A Teale's turn and uuuuggggghhhhh more fucking U2 there ARE other bands people *takes breath*. The song is "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" the most overused U2 song (something you'll hear me say every time someone does a U2 song) the judges are creaming themselves but all a see and hear is beige.

Sophie is singing "Sweet Dreams" a completely non-challenging song and she fucked up the notes and wore a very distracting skirt. The best part of the performance was a rather funny quip made by Kyle towards Dickko about striper shoes.

More mystifying Rikki-Lee.

Stupid hats on and doing "Dancing In The Dark" immediate points for the Springsteen. Pretty good, but the hat still distracted me.

James is a prev.


Roshani is up doing "What's Love Got to Do With It?" She does it very well and my well become my number 2 (Hee) girl.

Lucky or unlucky last Thanh eewww He's doing "Every Breath You Take" I hate this song and he is so fake he should go next.

Over all a good show much better than last week a C.
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The Pooper-Scooper
21 September 2008 @ 02:27 pm
I just finished watching the first and last season of "John From Cincinnati". My thoughts:

David Milch is the creator of in my view the greatest show ever aired "Deadwood" so I was looking froward to see the new offering from my favorite auteur.

I understand why people didn't like this show, on the surface it was some great performances from our old "Deadwood" friends and an even better performance from Ed O'Neil, a cracking soundtrack, flowery dialogue and some beautiful shots of surfing what could go wrong? The fact that it made absolutely no sense.

Until you peel away the layers. Then you see what this show was really about.

The show is set in the Californian/Mexican border town of Imperial Beach, where surfing is a way of life. The show centers around the Yost family royalty in Imperial Beach. The father, Mitch is a surfing legend who's career is cut short by injury and has since been a bit of a whiny bitch. He's wife Cissy is a "ball-breaking bitch". Their son Butchie, a once great surfer now royal fuck-up and his son Shaun an up-and-comer in the surfing world. The town regulars and of course the mysterious John who is not from Cincinnati and may or may not be the son of god.

The show is layered with a big themes such as religion and redemption for a small idea. Where I think the shows brilliance is. With all the shit thats happening in the world we are becoming more isolated, the show was not ground-breaking it merely reminded viewers of the message that people feel better in a community.

But most importantly to me the show reminded me that in a rather scary time in human history that we are going to be okay.
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The Pooper-Scooper
15 September 2008 @ 07:49 pm
The new season of Australian Idol is here, and since music is love I will be reviewing each episode.





The first top 12 performance show. The theme singers choice, which really shows off just how sucky the general music taste of these people really is.

Chrislyn Hamilton - The best performer of this group. At just 17 and about a size 22 she is so lovely and bubbly. She sang the Aretha Franklin classic "Think" absolutely the best of the night.

Wes Carr - Or "the one who's losing he's hair and is hiding it with stupid hats, but is trying to pull it of like it's just he's thing" as I call him. He sang the unbelievably over done "Beautiful Day" by the world's most pompous band U2. Over all he was average, but lost major points for the song choice and stupid hats.

Tom Williams - Or "That cute little one my mum likes". At just 16 he is the youngest in the group this year and is not a very good singer, he is riding on the "triple G vote" which stands for girls, granny's and gays. He sang the atrociously diabolical "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith the song from the soundtrack to the equally atrociously diabolical movie "Armageddon". One word eewwwww but he's cute so that will ensure his survival for at least two more weeks.

Thanh Bui - The Asian singing teacher who has quite a powerful voice, but has got to be careful about song choice because he very easily falls into Asian boy band. He sang the greatly dated Maroon 5 song (before they started sucking) "This Love" Which he did a rearrangement that wouldn't be out of place in a Japanese karaoke bar, it really sucked and made his voice sound really thin.

Mark Spano - I don't know anything about this guy except that he may be a tradie and his mate said that he was sleazy. He impressed me with quite a good, true to the original version of "Never Tear Us Apart" the classic Aussie hit from INXS.

Teale Jakubenko - Again, I don't know a thing about this guy except that he has a really, REALLY stupid name. He sang a worse-than-karaoke version of that great break up song "Walk Away Renee" by The Left Bank. It really was terrible.

Brooke Addamo - Still don't know anything about her, but I think she might be young, around high school age. She sung the Natasha Bedingfield song "These Words" it was alright but totally forgettable.

Madam Parker - The one who is named after a women who runs a brothel, who came all the way from New Zealand and left her baby to be in the competition. I really like her I think she's sweet and looked really nice. She sang "Closer" by Ne*Yo I really enjoyed her version of a song from a genre I don't really like. One of the nights best.

Roshani Priddis - The Srilankan orphan, pocket rocket. She is sweet and a very good R&B singer. She sang "Tell Me 'Bout It" by Joss Stone. I don't know this song and I was disappointed because she is a good singer but she was totally forgettable.

Luke Dickens - The true blue Aussie sheep shearer good bloke. I hate this guys voice, it is so grating. He sang "Feelin' Alright" possibly the most overused Joe Cocker song I just hated this performance.

Jonny Taylor - This weeks castoff and good riddance. The guy who is in a "League of his own" and "Likes to sit in dark rooms" (in his own words). I hated this douche, and he also sounded like the guy from Creed, ewww. He sang "Better Man" by Peal Jam. It was terrible he couldn't pronounce the words in the song correctly, it just really irritated me.

Sophie Paterson - The wild card, she's alright but is forgettable. She sang "Mr. Jones" by The Counting Crows". I already hate this song so it was I found her performance boring.

All-in-all the first week of Idol was pretty weak and disappointing a D overall.

See you next time for 80's Week.
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The Pooper-Scooper
What a night last night was. I went to a friends party as a welcome home because they had been in Europe for two months (very lucky girls), the party turned out to be a surprise engagement where the groom-to-be serenaded the bride-to-be with a drunken, voice-cracking rendition of Joe Cocker's "You Are So Beautiful". Ahh love. Anyway at this friends parties it is a requirement that you drink like a hobo. We bought a case of "Pure Blond" beer which I drank 12 bottles, I only remember singing about 30 songs on karaoke including my two show stopping renditions of The Motels "Total Control" it played twice because I was to drunk to figure out how the machine worked and I hit the play button twice and because I'm a mic hog when I get started especially when drunk off my arse (which makes no sense because I become a much worse singer when off me nut.), also apparently I was drunkenly hugging everyone to, which is very out of character for me. All in all a very fun night. I have been far more drunker in my life but I woke up this morning to my VERY FIRST HANGOVER, threw up and everything, man I an just getting life lessons all over the place. Last nights life lesson #43 Just because it tastes nice doesn't mean you should drink 12 of them. A very valuable lesson in moderation and pacing.
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